Monthly Archives: May 2012

So…full…of meat…*

*I’ve given you such a good setup, DO NOT LET ME DOWN

Hello from the great state of Missouri!

*crickets chirp*

Ok, so it’s the muggy, hot, kind-of-mediocre-state-of-Missouri. I’m out visiting the MiL, who is actually kind of cool, and her family. It has truly been a gastronmical experience coming out here; I’m not certain my arteries will survive and I’m currently packed with enough Kansas City BBQ that you could resurrect a pig farm from the contents of my stomach (hopefully after removing said contents in a non-Hostel-like fashion).

Why do I remark on this? Other than to fill your minds with the image of me, Matt, lying bloated like a beached whale on a couch in a possibly-haunted hotel room (seriously, this place looks like the younger brother of the hotel from The Shining), the corners of my mouth stained with BBQ sauce?

To explain why the second podcast for May is a little late.

I’ll be home tomorrow afternoon and unless we record tomorrow evening after my wife and child have gone to bed, we’ll be record Thursday night instead.

So, with that in mind, if you have any questions, feedback, suggestions, whatever for the next podcast now is your chance to let us know.

Do eeeeeeeeet.

An announcement and a solicitation!

Tyler and I talked about how we’ve really enjoyed doing these podcasts and we want to do more of them more often but that we didn’t want to have to read even more crappy fiction to do so.

Thinking about our options, we decided that we’d record a second podcast a month based around listener feedback, reader suggestions, or anything you’d like us to talk about. That in mind, WE NEED YOUR INPUT! Please, send us feedback, suggestions, comments, critiques, bitches, praises, whatever. You can do so here in comments, on the Facebook group (also titled Your Book is Why Daddy Drinks), email us at,,, or you can even call us, and we’ll edit in your call into the podcast, at 831-687-9242.

Episode 5 – The Kobold Wizard’s Dildo of Enlightenment +2, An Adventure for 3-6 Players, Levels 2-5

I want you to consider your reality.

Think about your life. About how you get up in the morning, about how you go about your daily existence, the chores you do, the jobs you complete. Maybe you have adventures and lead a life of excitement or perhaps yours is a more mundane, every-day-normal sort of affair.

Now I want you to consider what it would be like if you were sodomized by a magical dildo that opened your consciousness to the fact that you are nothing more than a fictional construct of a socially maladjusted, hormonally horny teenager, created for his amusement, and that every shitty thing that’s ever happened to you was because he made it happen. That you are nothing more than a mental masturbatory puppet for him to live out his own fantasies through your exploits and what this revelation might feel like.

Having considered this, now you know a little about the concept of this horrible, horrible book. Trust us, it doesn’t get any better, but look on the bright side, we read it so you don’t have to.

Special thanks to Tyler Hayes for joining us on the podcast this evening.

Episode 5 – The Kobold Wizard’s Dildo of Enlightenment +2, An Adventure for 3-6 Players, Levels 2-5

Far too long

It seems like it’s been far too long since our last podcast but we’ve got a great one in store for you all next week. It’s got it all when it comes to bad fantasy: slutty elves, rapacious she-trolls, evil wizards, and socially maladjusted nerds. What else would you expect from a book titled The Kobold Wizard’s Dildo of Enlightenment +2, An Adventure for 3-5 Players, Levels 2-5.

Along with the podcast we’ve also got some good announcements. I don’t want to spoil them here, ok, that’s a lie, I really want to spoil them here, but I have to give you some incentive, other than our suffering, to listen to the podcast.

Episode 4 – Touched by Venom

A delightful journey into the world of cryptobestiality. Did I say delightful? I’m sorry. I meant “Worse than having a belt sander applied to your nether regions moments before a dip in a lemon juice jacuzzi.”

Episode 4 – Touched by Venom

Episode 3 – Breaking Dawn

We finally slay the beast that is The Twilight Saga. This is the happiest either of us will be for a long, long time.

Episode 3 – Breaking Dawn

Episode 2 – Eclipse

Matt has finished two bottles of whiskey. Tyler has killed a case of cider. The books are getting worse.

Episode 2 – Eclipse

Episode 1 – Twilight and New Moon

What started as a simple task Matt set for himself, rapidly escalated into the worst Gentleman’s Challenge ever conceived, and gave birth to “Your Book is Why Daddy Drinks”

(Please excuse the poor audio in this episode, technical difficulties were experienced and have been resolved in all future episodes.)
Episode 1 – Twilight and New Moon